How come frogs are such good liars?

Rick and Ricky

Funny Jokes to Spark a Laugh

1. Joke: What were prehistoric sleepovers called?
Answer: Dino-SNORES.

2. Joke: What’s a bee’s favorite musical?
Answer: Stinging in the Rain.

3. Joke: What kind of cow wears a crown?
Answer: A dairy queen.

4. Joke: What do turkeys like to eat for dessert?
Answer: Apple Gobbler.

5. Joke: Why do storks have so little money?
Answer: They have such big bills.

6. Joke: Which reptile always knows what time it is?
Answer: A grandfather croc.

7. Joke: Are the moon and Earth good friends?
Answer: Yes, they’ve been going around together for years.

8. Joke: Can a horse join the army?
Answer: No, the Neigh-vy.

9. Joke: Can bees fly in the rain?
Answer: Not without their little yellow jackets.

10. Joke: Can you buy a ticket today for a trip to the moon?
Answer: No, sorry. The moon is full right now.

11. Joke: Did you hear the story about the skunk?
Answer: Never mind–it stinks.

12. Joke: How are migrating birds different from flies?
Answer: Birds fly, but flies don’t bird.

13. Joke: How can you make your money go far?
Answer: Put your piggy bank in outer space.

14. Joke: How can you tell if a bee is talking on a cell phone?
Answer: You get a buzzy signal.

15. Joke: How can you tell which end of a worm is the head?
Answer: Tickle it in the middle, see which end laughs.

16. Joke: How can you tell worms from spaghetti?
Answer: Worms can hang on to your fork.

17. Joke: How come frogs are such good liars?
Answer: Because they’re amFIBians.

18. Joke: How did one calf finish his math problems faster than the other calves?
Answer: It used a COW-culator.

19. Joke: How did the duck get rid of its headache?
Answer: With quack-upuncture.

20. Joke: How did the farmer count his herd of cattle?
Answer: He used a COWculator.

21. Joke: How did the frog cross the road?
Answer: Its cousin toad it.

22. Joke: How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test?
Answer: He nailed it.

23. Joke: How did the horse get a soda?
Answer: He gave the vending machine a buck.

24. Joke: How did the snake escape from jail?
Answer: It scaled the wall.

25. Joke: How do baby geese get out of their shells?
Answer: They follow eggs-it signs.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!
26. Joke: How do birds fly in the rain?
Answer: They use wing shield wipers.

27. Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.

28. Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.

29. Joke: How do cats keep their breath fresh?
Answer: They use mouse wash.

30. Joke: How do chickens keep in shape?
Answer: They do lots of EGGSercises.

31. Joke: How do cows find their way home?
Answer: They follow the Milky Way.

32. Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.

33. Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.

34. Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.

35. Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.

36. Joke: How do fish start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a SLIME.

37. Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.

38. Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”

39. Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.

40. Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the dessert?
Answer: The use ear-conditioning.

41. Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.

42. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.

43. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.

44. Joke: How do porcupines hug and kiss?
Answer: Very carefully.

45. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.

46. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.

47. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.

48. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.

49. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.

50. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!
51. Joke: How do slugs get up mountains?
Answer: They slime to the top.

52. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.

53. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”

54. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.

55. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.

56. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.

57. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.

58. Joke: How do tyrannosaurs like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!

59. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.

60. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.

61. Joke: How do you divide an ocean in half?
Answer: Use a sea saw.

62. Joke: How do you find a cheetah at night?
Answer: Use a spotlight.

63. Joke: How do you find your mosquito bites?
Answer: Start from scratch.

64. Joke: How do you fix a smashed jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch.

65. Joke: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Answer: You rock-it.

66. Joke: How do you get a frog off your back car window?
Answer: Use a rear-window defrogger.

67. Joke: How do you keep a buffalo from charging?
Answer: Take away its credit card.

68. Joke: How do you keep a dragon from going through the eye of a needle?
Answer: Tie a knot in its tail.

69. Joke: How do you keep a stinky salmon from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.

70. Joke: How do you know when a bee is talking on the phone?
Answer: You hear a buzzy signal.

71. Joke: How do you know when a fish is playing hooky?
Answer: When it’s not in a school.

72. Joke: How do you know when a vampire bat is sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.

73. Joke: How do you know when a vampire is deathly sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.

74. Joke: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone.

75. Joke: How do you make a whale float?
Answer: Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and a whale.

76. Joke: How do you make a witch itch?
Answer: Take out the “W”.

77. Joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

78. Joke: How do you milk an ant?
Answer: First you get a really low stool.

79. Joke: How do you read a book about plants?
Answer: You leaf through it.

80. Joke: How do you say goodbye to a sick alligator?
Answer: “See you later, illigator.”

81. Joke: How do you spell mouse trap with 3 letters?
Answer: C-A-T.

82. Joke: How do you stop a stinky fish from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.

83. Joke: How do young deer call each other?
Answer: They use a tell-a-fawn.

84. Joke: How does a cat succeed in life?
Answer: Through purr-sistence.

85. Joke: How does a dolphin make bread?
Answer: With All-Porpoise Flour.

86. Joke: How does a dolphin wash its flippers?
Answer: With an all-porpoise cleaner.

87. Joke: How does a firefly start a race?
Answer: Ready, set, glow!

88. Joke: How does a fish feel when it gets caught stealing bait?
Answer: Gill-ty.

89. Joke: How does a flower ride a bike?
Answer: With its petals.

90. Joke: How does a lion like its steak?
Answer: Medium-roar.

91. Joke: How does a mother kangaroo tell time?
Answer: With her pocket watch.

92. Joke: How does a mountain goat mom call her baby?
Answer: “Here, kiddie, kiddie!”

93. Joke: How does a mouse disguise himself?
Answer: He wears a mousetache.

94. Joke: How does a mouse feel after a bath?
Answer: Squeaky clean.

95. Joke: How does a penguin feel after its friend moves away?
Answer: Ice-olated.

96. Joke: How does a skunk put out a fire?
Answer: It uses an ex-stink-guisher.

97. Joke: How does a slug go fishing?
Answer: On a snail boat.

98. Joke: How does a sponge spend its free time?
Answer: It soaks up some fun.

99. Joke: How does a tree get into the Internet?
Answer: It logs on.

100. Joke: How does a turtle call its friends?
Answer: With a shell phone.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!
101. Joke: How does a turtle get to the top floor?
Answer: In a shell-evator.

102. Joke: How does an octopus pay its bills?
Answer: With sand dollars.

103. Joke: How does the ocean say hello?
Answer: It waves.

104. Joke: How is a wall light switch like a penguin?
Answer: They both have flippers.

105. Joke: How many birds can sing a duet?
Answer: Toucan.

106. Joke: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Can’t tell. They scatter as soon as the light turns on.

107. Joke: How many frogs would fit in your glass of water?
Answer: Toadily too many.

108. Joke: How many mice can an owl eat?
Answer: OWL of them!

109. Joke: How many skunks live in a neighborhood?
Answer: Quite a phew.

110. Joke: How much does a pile of bones weigh?
Answer: A skele-TON.

111. Joke: How much seafood does a crab eat?
Answer: Just a pinch.

112. Joke: In an emergency whom do you call for a sick rabbit?
Answer: A hare-a-medic.

113. Joke: Is chicken soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the chicken!

114. Joke: Is turkey soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the turkey!

115. Joke: What part of a salmon weighs the most?
Answer: Its scales.

116. Joke: What’s brown and white and dangerous?
Answer: A cow on a skateboard.

117. Joke: What do you call a sleeping male cow?
Answer: A Bulldozer.

118. Joke: What ancient cat solved mysteries?
Answer: The saber SLEUTH tiger.

119. Joke: What animal can you find in the military?
Answer: An army-dillo.

120. Joke: What animal hibernates while standing on its head?
Answer: Yoga bear.

121. Joke: What animal sewed the first American flag?
Answer: Bat-sy Ross.

122. Joke: What’s an aardvark’s favorite pizza topping?
Answer: Ant-chovies.

123. Joke: What’s smarter than a talking parrot?
Answer: A spelling bee.

124. Joke: What does a lemur pirate say?
Answer: “Aye-aye, matey!”

125. Joke: What makes a jellyfish laugh?
Answer: Ten tickles.

126. Joke: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk?
Answer: A fowl smell.

127. Joke: Are the moon and Earth good friends?
Answer: Yes, they’ve been going around together for years.

128. Joke: Can a horse join the army?
Answer: No, the Neigh-vy.

129. Joke: Can bees fly in the rain?
Answer: Not without their little yellow jackets.

130. Joke: Can you buy a ticket today for a trip to the moon?
Answer: No, sorry. The moon is full right now.

131. Joke: Did you hear the story about the skunk?
Answer: Never mind–it stinks.

132. Joke: How are migrating birds different from flies?
Answer: Birds fly, but flies don’t bird.

133. Joke: How can you make your money go far?
Answer: Put your piggy bank in outer space.

134. Joke: How can you tell if a bee is talking on a cell phone?
Answer: You get a buzzy signal.

135. Joke: How can you tell which end of a worm is the head?
Answer: Tickle it in the middle, see which end laughs.

136. Joke: How can you tell worms from spaghetti?
Answer: Worms can hang on to your fork.

137. Joke: How come frogs are such good liars?
Answer: Because they’re amFIBians.

138. Joke: How did one calf finish his math problems faster than the other calves?
Answer: It used a COW-culator.

139. Joke: How did the duck get rid of its headache?
Answer: With quack-upuncture.

140. Joke: How did the farmer count his herd of cattle?
Answer: He used a COWculator.

141. Joke: How did the frog cross the road?
Answer: Its cousin toad it.

142. Joke: How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test?
Answer: He nailed it.

143. Joke: How did the horse get a soda?
Answer: He gave the vending machine a buck.

144. Joke: How did the snake escape from jail?
Answer: It scaled the wall.

145. Joke: How do baby geese get out of their shells?
Answer: They follow eggs-it signs.

146. Joke: How do bees get to school?
Answer: They take the school buzz.

147. Joke: How do birds fly in the rain?
Answer: They use wing shield wipers.

148. Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.

149. Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.

150. Joke: How do cats keep their breath fresh?
Answer: They use mouse wash.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!
151. Joke: How do cows find their way home?
Answer: They follow the Milky Way.

152. Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.

153. Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.

154. Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.

155. Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.

156. Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.

157. Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”

158. Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.

159. Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the desert?
Answer: They use ear-conditioning.

160. Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.

161. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.

162. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.

163. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.

164. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.

165. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.

166. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.

167. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.

168. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.

169. Joke: How do slugs get up mountains?
Answer: They slime to the top.

170. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.

171. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”

172. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.

173. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.

174. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.

175. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.

176. Joke: How do tyrannosaurs like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!

177. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.

178. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.

179. Joke: How do you divide an ocean in half?
Answer: Use a sea saw.

180. Joke: How do you find a cheetah at night?
Answer: Use a spotlight.

181. Joke: How do you find your mosquito bites?
Answer: Start from scratch.

182. Joke: How do you fix a smashed jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch.

183. Joke: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Answer: You rock-it.

184. Joke: How do you get a frog off your back car window?
Answer: Use a rear-window defrogger.

185. Joke: How do you keep a buffalo from charging?
Answer: Take away its credit card.

186. Joke: How do you keep a dragon from going through the eye of a needle?
Answer: Tie a knot in its tail.

187. Joke: How do you keep a stinky salmon from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.

188. Joke: How do you know when a fish is playing hooky?
Answer: When it’s not in a school.

189. Joke: How do you know when a vampire bat is sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.

190. Joke: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone.

191. Joke: How do you make a whale float?
Answer: Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and a whale.

192. Joke: How do you make a witch itch?
Answer: Take out the “W”.

193. Joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

194. Joke: How do you milk an ant?
Answer: First you get a really low stool.

195. Joke: How do you read a book about plants?
Answer: You leaf through it.

196. Joke: How do you say good-bye to a sick alligator?
Answer: “See you later, illigator.”

197. Joke: How do you spell mouse trap with 3 letters?
Answer: C-A-T.

198. Joke: How do young deer call each other?
Answer: They use a tell-a-fawn.

199. Joke: How does a cat succeed in life?
Answer: Through purr-sistence.

200. Joke: How does a dolphin wash its flippers?
Answer: With an all-porpoise cleaner.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!
201. Joke: How does a firefly start a race?
Answer: Ready, set, glow!

202. Joke: How does a fish feel when it gets caught stealing bait?
Answer: Gill-ty.

203. Joke: How does a flower ride a bike?
Answer: With its petals.

204. Joke: How does a lion like its steak?
Answer: Medium-roar.

205. Joke: How does a mother kangaroo tell time?
Answer: With her pocket watch.

206. Joke: How does a mountain goat mom call her baby?
Answer: “Here, kiddie, kiddie!”

207. Joke: How does a mouse disguise himself?
Answer: He wears a mousetache.

208. Joke: How does a mouse feel after a bath?
Answer: Squeaky clean.

209. Joke: How does a penguin feel after its friend moves away?
Answer: Ice-olated.

210. Joke: How does a skunk put out a fire?
Answer: It uses an ex-stink-guisher.

211. Joke: How does a slug go fishing?
Answer: On a snail boat.

212. Joke: How does a sponge spend its free time?
Answer: It soaks up some fun.

213. Joke: How does a tree get into the Internet?
Answer: It logs on.

214. Joke: How does a turtle call its friends?
Answer: With a shell phone.

215. Joke: How does a turtle get to the top floor?
Answer: In a shell-evator.

216. Joke: How does an octopus pay its bills?
Answer: With sand dollars.

217. Joke: How does the ocean say hello?
Answer: It waves.

218. Joke: How is a wall light switch like a penguin?
Answer: They both have flippers.

219. Joke: How many birds can sing a duet?
Answer: Toucan.

220. Joke: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Can’t tell. They scatter as soon as the light turns on.

221. Joke: How many frogs would fit in your glass of water?
Answer: Toadily too many.

222. Joke: How many mice can an owl eat?
Answer: OWL of them!

223. Joke: How many parents does a dog have?
Answer: Five: one ma and four paws.

224. Joke: How much does a pile of bones weigh?
Answer: A skele-TON.

225. Joke: How much seafood does a crab eat?
Answer: Just a pinch.

226. Joke: In an emergency, whom do you call for a sick rabbit?
Answer: A hare-a-medic.

227. Joke: Is chicken soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the chicken!

228. Joke: Is turkey soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the turkey!

229. Joke: What part of a salmon weighs the most?
Answer: Its scales.

230. Joke: What’s brown and white and dangerous?
Answer: A cow on a skateboard.

231. Joke: What do you call a sleeping male cow?
Answer: A Bulldozer.

232. Joke: What ancient cat solved mysteries?
Answer: The saber SLEUTH tiger.

233. Joke: What animal can you find in the military?
Answer: An army-dillo.

234. Joke: What animal hibernates while standing on its head?
Answer: Yoga bear.

235. Joke: What animal sewed the first American flag?
Answer: Bat-sy Ross.

236. Joke: What are a dog’s favorite pizza toppings?
Answer: Pupperoni and muttzarella.

237. Joke: What are a toad’s favorite games in Ranger Rick?
Answer: Cross-wart puzzles.

238. Joke: What are flies most afraid of?
Answer: The SWAT team.

239. Joke: What are sad cranberries called?
Answer: BLUEberries.

240. Joke: What are skunks so smart?
Answer: They make a lot of scents.

241. Joke: What are spiders called after their wedding?
Answer: Newly webs.

242. Joke: What barks, chases cats, and has black and red spots?
Answer: A Dalmatian with measles.

243. Joke: What baseball team goes best with milk?
Answer: The Baltimore Oreos.

244. Joke: What bear likes to go out in the rain?
Answer: Drizzly bears.

245. Joke: What bird is the greatest artist?
Answer: Leonardo da Finchy.

246. Joke: What bird shows up at every meal?
Answer: A swallow.

247. Joke: What birds always get out of breath when migrating?
Answer: Puffins.

248. Joke: What bug caused the computer to crash?
Answer: The Inter-gnat.

249. Joke: What buzzes, is black and yellow, and goes along the sides of flowers?
Answer: Bee-line.

250. Joke: What did one plate say to the other?
Answer: Lunch is on me.

About RANGER RICK

50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife

RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.

SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!