How do you divide an ocean in half?
Funny Jokes to Spark a Laugh
1. Joke: What were prehistoric sleepovers called?Answer: Dino-SNORES.
2. Joke: What’s a bee’s favorite musical?
Answer: Stinging in the Rain.
3. Joke: What kind of cow wears a crown?
Answer: A dairy queen.
4. Joke: What do turkeys like to eat for dessert?
Answer: Apple Gobbler.
5. Joke: Why do storks have so little money?
Answer: They have such big bills.
6. Joke: Which reptile always knows what time it is?
Answer: A grandfather croc.
7. Joke: Are the moon and Earth good friends?
Answer: Yes, they’ve been going around together for years.
8. Joke: Can a horse join the army?
Answer: No, the Neigh-vy.
9. Joke: Can bees fly in the rain?
Answer: Not without their little yellow jackets.
10. Joke: Can you buy a ticket today for a trip to the moon?
Answer: No, sorry. The moon is full right now.
Answer: Never mind–it stinks.
12. Joke: How are migrating birds different from flies?
Answer: Birds fly, but flies don’t bird.
13. Joke: How can you make your money go far?
Answer: Put your piggy bank in outer space.
14. Joke: How can you tell if a bee is talking on a cell phone?
Answer: You get a buzzy signal.
15. Joke: How can you tell which end of a worm is the head?
Answer: Tickle it in the middle, see which end laughs.
16. Joke: How can you tell worms from spaghetti?
Answer: Worms can hang on to your fork.
17. Joke: How come frogs are such good liars?
Answer: Because they’re amFIBians.
18. Joke: How did one calf finish his math problems faster than the other calves?
Answer: It used a COW-culator.
19. Joke: How did the duck get rid of its headache?
Answer: With quack-upuncture.
20. Joke: How did the farmer count his herd of cattle?
Answer: He used a COWculator.
21. Joke: How did the frog cross the road?
Answer: Its cousin toad it.
22. Joke: How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test?
Answer: He nailed it.
23. Joke: How did the horse get a soda?
Answer: He gave the vending machine a buck.
24. Joke: How did the snake escape from jail?
Answer: It scaled the wall.
25. Joke: How do baby geese get out of their shells?
Answer: They follow eggs-it signs.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!Answer: They use wing shield wipers.
27. Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.
28. Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.
29. Joke: How do cats keep their breath fresh?
Answer: They use mouse wash.
30. Joke: How do chickens keep in shape?
Answer: They do lots of EGGSercises.
31. Joke: How do cows find their way home?
Answer: They follow the Milky Way.
32. Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.
33. Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.
34. Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.
35. Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.
36. Joke: How do fish start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a SLIME.
37. Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.
38. Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”
39. Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.
40. Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the dessert?
Answer: The use ear-conditioning.
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.
42. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.
43. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.
44. Joke: How do porcupines hug and kiss?
Answer: Very carefully.
45. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.
46. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.
47. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.
48. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.
49. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.
50. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!Answer: They slime to the top.
52. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.
53. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”
54. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.
55. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.
56. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.
57. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.
58. Joke: How do tyrannosaurs like their eggs?
Answer: Terri-fried!
59. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.
60. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.
61. Joke: How do you divide an ocean in half?
Answer: Use a sea saw.
62. Joke: How do you find a cheetah at night?
Answer: Use a spotlight.
63. Joke: How do you find your mosquito bites?
Answer: Start from scratch.
64. Joke: How do you fix a smashed jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch.
65. Joke: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Answer: You rock-it.
66. Joke: How do you get a frog off your back car window?
Answer: Use a rear-window defrogger.
67. Joke: How do you keep a buffalo from charging?
Answer: Take away its credit card.
68. Joke: How do you keep a dragon from going through the eye of a needle?
Answer: Tie a knot in its tail.
69. Joke: How do you keep a stinky salmon from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.
70. Joke: How do you know when a bee is talking on the phone?
Answer: You hear a buzzy signal.
71. Joke: How do you know when a fish is playing hooky?
Answer: When it’s not in a school.
72. Joke: How do you know when a vampire bat is sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.
73. Joke: How do you know when a vampire is deathly sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.
74. Joke: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone.
75. Joke: How do you make a whale float?
Answer: Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and a whale.
Answer: Take out the “W”.
77. Joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
78. Joke: How do you milk an ant?
Answer: First you get a really low stool.
79. Joke: How do you read a book about plants?
Answer: You leaf through it.
80. Joke: How do you say goodbye to a sick alligator?
Answer: “See you later, illigator.”
81. Joke: How do you spell mouse trap with 3 letters?
Answer: C-A-T.
82. Joke: How do you stop a stinky fish from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.
83. Joke: How do young deer call each other?
Answer: They use a tell-a-fawn.
84. Joke: How does a cat succeed in life?
Answer: Through purr-sistence.
85. Joke: How does a dolphin make bread?
Answer: With All-Porpoise Flour.
86. Joke: How does a dolphin wash its flippers?
Answer: With an all-porpoise cleaner.
87. Joke: How does a firefly start a race?
Answer: Ready, set, glow!
88. Joke: How does a fish feel when it gets caught stealing bait?
Answer: Gill-ty.
89. Joke: How does a flower ride a bike?
Answer: With its petals.
90. Joke: How does a lion like its steak?
Answer: Medium-roar.
91. Joke: How does a mother kangaroo tell time?
Answer: With her pocket watch.
92. Joke: How does a mountain goat mom call her baby?
Answer: “Here, kiddie, kiddie!”
93. Joke: How does a mouse disguise himself?
Answer: He wears a mousetache.
94. Joke: How does a mouse feel after a bath?
Answer: Squeaky clean.
95. Joke: How does a penguin feel after its friend moves away?
Answer: Ice-olated.
96. Joke: How does a skunk put out a fire?
Answer: It uses an ex-stink-guisher.
97. Joke: How does a slug go fishing?
Answer: On a snail boat.
98. Joke: How does a sponge spend its free time?
Answer: It soaks up some fun.
99. Joke: How does a tree get into the Internet?
Answer: It logs on.
100. Joke: How does a turtle call its friends?
Answer: With a shell phone.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!Answer: In a shell-evator.
102. Joke: How does an octopus pay its bills?
Answer: With sand dollars.
103. Joke: How does the ocean say hello?
Answer: It waves.
104. Joke: How is a wall light switch like a penguin?
Answer: They both have flippers.
105. Joke: How many birds can sing a duet?
Answer: Toucan.
106. Joke: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Can’t tell. They scatter as soon as the light turns on.
107. Joke: How many frogs would fit in your glass of water?
Answer: Toadily too many.
108. Joke: How many mice can an owl eat?
Answer: OWL of them!
109. Joke: How many skunks live in a neighborhood?
Answer: Quite a phew.
110. Joke: How much does a pile of bones weigh?
Answer: A skele-TON.
111. Joke: How much seafood does a crab eat?
Answer: Just a pinch.
112. Joke: In an emergency whom do you call for a sick rabbit?
Answer: A hare-a-medic.
113. Joke: Is chicken soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the chicken!
114. Joke: Is turkey soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the turkey!
115. Joke: What part of a salmon weighs the most?
Answer: Its scales.
116. Joke: What’s brown and white and dangerous?
Answer: A cow on a skateboard.
117. Joke: What do you call a sleeping male cow?
Answer: A Bulldozer.
118. Joke: What ancient cat solved mysteries?
Answer: The saber SLEUTH tiger.
119. Joke: What animal can you find in the military?
Answer: An army-dillo.
120. Joke: What animal hibernates while standing on its head?
Answer: Yoga bear.
121. Joke: What animal sewed the first American flag?
Answer: Bat-sy Ross.
122. Joke: What’s an aardvark’s favorite pizza topping?
Answer: Ant-chovies.
123. Joke: What’s smarter than a talking parrot?
Answer: A spelling bee.
124. Joke: What does a lemur pirate say?
Answer: “Aye-aye, matey!”
125. Joke: What makes a jellyfish laugh?
Answer: Ten tickles.
Answer: A fowl smell.
127. Joke: Are the moon and Earth good friends?
Answer: Yes, they’ve been going around together for years.
128. Joke: Can a horse join the army?
Answer: No, the Neigh-vy.
129. Joke: Can bees fly in the rain?
Answer: Not without their little yellow jackets.
130. Joke: Can you buy a ticket today for a trip to the moon?
Answer: No, sorry. The moon is full right now.
131. Joke: Did you hear the story about the skunk?
Answer: Never mind–it stinks.
132. Joke: How are migrating birds different from flies?
Answer: Birds fly, but flies don’t bird.
133. Joke: How can you make your money go far?
Answer: Put your piggy bank in outer space.
134. Joke: How can you tell if a bee is talking on a cell phone?
Answer: You get a buzzy signal.
135. Joke: How can you tell which end of a worm is the head?
Answer: Tickle it in the middle, see which end laughs.
136. Joke: How can you tell worms from spaghetti?
Answer: Worms can hang on to your fork.
137. Joke: How come frogs are such good liars?
Answer: Because they’re amFIBians.
138. Joke: How did one calf finish his math problems faster than the other calves?
Answer: It used a COW-culator.
139. Joke: How did the duck get rid of its headache?
Answer: With quack-upuncture.
140. Joke: How did the farmer count his herd of cattle?
Answer: He used a COWculator.
141. Joke: How did the frog cross the road?
Answer: Its cousin toad it.
142. Joke: How did the hammerhead shark do on his math test?
Answer: He nailed it.
143. Joke: How did the horse get a soda?
Answer: He gave the vending machine a buck.
144. Joke: How did the snake escape from jail?
Answer: It scaled the wall.
145. Joke: How do baby geese get out of their shells?
Answer: They follow eggs-it signs.
146. Joke: How do bees get to school?
Answer: They take the school buzz.
147. Joke: How do birds fly in the rain?
Answer: They use wing shield wipers.
148. Joke: How do birds keep in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of eggs-ercises.
149. Joke: How do bulls pay for their groceries?
Answer: They charge them.
150. Joke: How do cats keep their breath fresh?
Answer: They use mouse wash.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!Answer: They follow the Milky Way.
152. Joke: How do deer keep their coats looking good?
Answer: They use pine combs.
153. Joke: How do dentists fix dragon teeth?
Answer: With a fire drill.
154. Joke: How do dolphins make important decisions?
Answer: They flipper a coin.
155. Joke: How do elephants communicate with each other?
Answer: By elephone.
156. Joke: How do fleas travel?
Answer: They itch hike.
157. Joke: How do ghosts greet each other on New Year’s Day?
Answer: “Happy Boo Year!”
158. Joke: How do groups of whales listen to music?
Answer: They use their i-PODS.
159. Joke: How do jackrabbits keep cool in the desert?
Answer: They use ear-conditioning.
160. Joke: How do monkeys go downstairs?
Answer: They slide down the banana-ster.
161. Joke: How do ocean creatures cross the ocean?
Answer: By taxi crab.
162. Joke: How do porcupines communicate?
Answer: Through spine language.
163. Joke: How do porcupines play leapfrog?
Answer: Very carefully.
164. Joke: How do rabbits keep in shape?
Answer: They do HARErobics.
165. Joke: How do rabbits travel?
Answer: In HARE-planes.
166. Joke: How do robins find their way to their nesting places?
Answer: They follow the “egg-sit” signs.
167. Joke: How do robins start their exercise routine?
Answer: With worm-ups.
168. Joke: How do skeletons send their mail?
Answer: By bony express.
169. Joke: How do slugs get up mountains?
Answer: They slime to the top.
170. Joke: How do snails get their shells all shiny and clean?
Answer: They use snail polish.
171. Joke: How do snails greet each other?
Answer: “Long slime, no see.”
172. Joke: How do snails start their fairy tales?
Answer: Once upon a slime.
173. Joke: How do snakes sign their letters?
Answer: With hugs and hisses.
174. Joke: How do termites travel?
Answer: By chew-chew train.
175. Joke: How do turkeys wake their friends on Thanksgiving morning?
Answer: With alarm clucks.
Answer: Terri-fried!
177. Joke: How do wasps communicate?
Answer: Through bee-mail.
178. Joke: How do weeping willows remove splinters?
Answer: With tree-zers.
179. Joke: How do you divide an ocean in half?
Answer: Use a sea saw.
180. Joke: How do you find a cheetah at night?
Answer: Use a spotlight.
181. Joke: How do you find your mosquito bites?
Answer: Start from scratch.
182. Joke: How do you fix a smashed jack-o’-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch.
183. Joke: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
Answer: You rock-it.
184. Joke: How do you get a frog off your back car window?
Answer: Use a rear-window defrogger.
185. Joke: How do you keep a buffalo from charging?
Answer: Take away its credit card.
186. Joke: How do you keep a dragon from going through the eye of a needle?
Answer: Tie a knot in its tail.
187. Joke: How do you keep a stinky salmon from smelling?
Answer: Hold its nose.
188. Joke: How do you know when a fish is playing hooky?
Answer: When it’s not in a school.
189. Joke: How do you know when a vampire bat is sick?
Answer: It can’t stop coffin.
190. Joke: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Answer: Tickle its funny bone.
191. Joke: How do you make a whale float?
Answer: Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and a whale.
192. Joke: How do you make a witch itch?
Answer: Take out the “W”.
193. Joke: How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
194. Joke: How do you milk an ant?
Answer: First you get a really low stool.
195. Joke: How do you read a book about plants?
Answer: You leaf through it.
196. Joke: How do you say good-bye to a sick alligator?
Answer: “See you later, illigator.”
197. Joke: How do you spell mouse trap with 3 letters?
Answer: C-A-T.
198. Joke: How do young deer call each other?
Answer: They use a tell-a-fawn.
199. Joke: How does a cat succeed in life?
Answer: Through purr-sistence.
200. Joke: How does a dolphin wash its flippers?
Answer: With an all-porpoise cleaner.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!Answer: Ready, set, glow!
202. Joke: How does a fish feel when it gets caught stealing bait?
Answer: Gill-ty.
203. Joke: How does a flower ride a bike?
Answer: With its petals.
204. Joke: How does a lion like its steak?
Answer: Medium-roar.
205. Joke: How does a mother kangaroo tell time?
Answer: With her pocket watch.
206. Joke: How does a mountain goat mom call her baby?
Answer: “Here, kiddie, kiddie!”
207. Joke: How does a mouse disguise himself?
Answer: He wears a mousetache.
208. Joke: How does a mouse feel after a bath?
Answer: Squeaky clean.
209. Joke: How does a penguin feel after its friend moves away?
Answer: Ice-olated.
210. Joke: How does a skunk put out a fire?
Answer: It uses an ex-stink-guisher.
211. Joke: How does a slug go fishing?
Answer: On a snail boat.
212. Joke: How does a sponge spend its free time?
Answer: It soaks up some fun.
213. Joke: How does a tree get into the Internet?
Answer: It logs on.
214. Joke: How does a turtle call its friends?
Answer: With a shell phone.
215. Joke: How does a turtle get to the top floor?
Answer: In a shell-evator.
216. Joke: How does an octopus pay its bills?
Answer: With sand dollars.
217. Joke: How does the ocean say hello?
Answer: It waves.
218. Joke: How is a wall light switch like a penguin?
Answer: They both have flippers.
219. Joke: How many birds can sing a duet?
Answer: Toucan.
220. Joke: How many cockroaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Can’t tell. They scatter as soon as the light turns on.
221. Joke: How many frogs would fit in your glass of water?
Answer: Toadily too many.
222. Joke: How many mice can an owl eat?
Answer: OWL of them!
223. Joke: How many parents does a dog have?
Answer: Five: one ma and four paws.
224. Joke: How much does a pile of bones weigh?
Answer: A skele-TON.
225. Joke: How much seafood does a crab eat?
Answer: Just a pinch.
Answer: A hare-a-medic.
227. Joke: Is chicken soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the chicken!
228. Joke: Is turkey soup good for you?
Answer: Not if you’re the turkey!
229. Joke: What part of a salmon weighs the most?
Answer: Its scales.
230. Joke: What’s brown and white and dangerous?
Answer: A cow on a skateboard.
231. Joke: What do you call a sleeping male cow?
Answer: A Bulldozer.
232. Joke: What ancient cat solved mysteries?
Answer: The saber SLEUTH tiger.
233. Joke: What animal can you find in the military?
Answer: An army-dillo.
234. Joke: What animal hibernates while standing on its head?
Answer: Yoga bear.
235. Joke: What animal sewed the first American flag?
Answer: Bat-sy Ross.
236. Joke: What are a dog’s favorite pizza toppings?
Answer: Pupperoni and muttzarella.
237. Joke: What are a toad’s favorite games in Ranger Rick?
Answer: Cross-wart puzzles.
238. Joke: What are flies most afraid of?
Answer: The SWAT team.
239. Joke: What are sad cranberries called?
Answer: BLUEberries.
240. Joke: What are skunks so smart?
Answer: They make a lot of scents.
241. Joke: What are spiders called after their wedding?
Answer: Newly webs.
242. Joke: What barks, chases cats, and has black and red spots?
Answer: A Dalmatian with measles.
243. Joke: What baseball team goes best with milk?
Answer: The Baltimore Oreos.
244. Joke: What bear likes to go out in the rain?
Answer: Drizzly bears.
245. Joke: What bird is the greatest artist?
Answer: Leonardo da Finchy.
246. Joke: What bird shows up at every meal?
Answer: A swallow.
247. Joke: What birds always get out of breath when migrating?
Answer: Puffins.
248. Joke: What bug caused the computer to crash?
Answer: The Inter-gnat.
249. Joke: What buzzes, is black and yellow, and goes along the sides of flowers?
Answer: Bee-line.
250. Joke: What did one plate say to the other?
Answer: Lunch is on me.
About RANGER RICK
50+ Years of Inspiring Children to Love Wildlife
RANGER RICK is packed with awesome animal facts, stories, and photos; comic adventures; wildlife puzzles, riddles, contests, and crafts; plus, outdoor discoveries to share with friends and family.
SUBSCRIBE TO RANGER RICK TODAY!